So, I decided to take an opportunity to re-enter the clinical workforce...after having been gone for nearly 10 years. Yes. A decade!
I quickly realized that everything has changed - and I do mean everything; algorithms, disease protocols, medications, equipment, benchmarks. I felt completely ill prepared for the fast pace and high demand of the clinical area I had chosen.
I left clinical work previously because it didn't suit me, my particular giftedness and skill set. I had identified with and been successful in other areas of healthcare.
So - why go back to clinical care? Well...after 10 years, I figured I had changed. I am not the person I was a decade ago and maybe that would positively impact my ability to care for patients, be part of a team, enjoy clinical care. Perhaps there was something here for me to embrace, learn and flourish from being back at the bedside.
Turns out that I have, indeed, changed - but not in the ways that successfully support a clinical career. This was a painful realization that took place through poor reviews, exhaustion from late nights of studying, trips to the manager's office with repeated disappointing progress, and many tearful weekends. I could feel my self confidence being stripped away piece by piece.
"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
So, I faced myself squarely with the truth. This arrangement was just not working. I was trying my best and my best was not good enough. There is no shame in that. Disappointment, yes. Shame and guilt, no.
"It’s just as important to know what you’re not because if you don’t realize your limitations, you’ll get drawn into areas that may look impressive and may feed your ego, but they are outside of your gifting and calling, outside of what God anointed you to do. Anytime you go outside of your limitations, it will be a constant struggle. Don’t let that be you! Instead, stay focused on what you’re good at. Follow peace in your heart and know who you are because God created you just the way He wants you to be!"
~Joel & Victoria Osteen
"A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy.
I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance."